we’re supposed to be old men

altruism: the unselfish concern for the welfare of others may manifest in readiness of fellowshippers to promote group interests over personal advantages.

this week wasn’t supposed to go this way.
we’re supposed to be old men when these tears fall.
we’re all supposed to be in daytona beach right now – drunk – feeling up women – watching our alma mater get the shxt beat out of them in the homecoming football game & laughing it up with bruhs who at one point used to smack us around.

we’re supposed to be listening to plies & wayne, learning new strolls from the neYOs as the young ladies and old head deltas & akas watched.

this is not supposed to be the grim interlude.

but we’re sitting in st. louis mourning the only way we know how.
since thursday night we’ve thrown our sorrows to the bottom of jamaican rum & tequila bottles, and let them float in a couple of vodka & beer bottles.
hoping to wake up and be able to make it through the day without hearing:

“it’s going to be alright” or
“it was her time to go”

fxck those sayings.
it’s not alright
and it wasn’t her time.


my only line brother called me thursday morning (9 hours after i arrived to daytona for the ONLY thing that excites me all year – homecoming – & 4 hours before he and his old lady was supposed to arrive) to tell me:

him: “you’re not going to believe what i’m about to tell you”

me: “fxck! did you miss your flight?!”

him: “she died.”

me: “what?”

and then there was a series of what’s, how’s & when’s.
and then there was a matter of me telling her best friends/line sisters.
and then there was a question of how do i get to st. louis?

there were no options.
there could be no debate of sticking around for the festivities or seeing the bruhs who can only make it back once a year.
it doesn’t work that way.

when people need you – you go.
if you don’t know what to say – you just sit there and listen or wait.
but this is the man i walked through hell with – so i knew what had to happen.
it was reminiscent of diggs & lee.

and we do what we do best while mourning to love of his life – someone’s daughter – sister – & friend.

we’re supposed to be old men when these tears fall.


2 thoughts on “we’re supposed to be old men

  1. “we’re supposed to be old men when these tears fall.” << everyones mindset about life and death. unfortunately there is always "a change of plans" that are inevitable. my condolences to you.

  2. Man, this has been a tough year. It was good that you were able to get up there to support Dennis. This is something that has affected us all man. She was a beautiful, smart, and loving woman; and she spent her last days with the person she truly loved.


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