we all want



it’s 3:11am right now.

side note: i needed them to know that my line brother is not my friend. he is my brother. more like my right arm.
side note 2: writing is therapy.

i sat down at the island to catch up on 4 episodes of shows missed – and it happened.
i cried.

since thursday night i’ve been attempting to drown a few sorrows and non-existent tears in glasses of tequila (some straight – some with lime) – bottles of bud light & shots of flavored vodka.
i said “attempt” – because i drank the glasses so fast, nothing would drown in them.

i lost my friend. that was hard. that was how i dealt with it.
what was harder was watching the man who loved her deal with it – knowing there was nothing i could say.
what was harder was watching her parents walk into her apartment, pack up bags of her clothes, dishes and photos – stuff them into her car – and drive away.

there were few forced smiles – but no occasion for it.

i lost my friend.
and i cried for her. and then i cried for them

and then i realized something.
we all want that.

it’s pouring down raining outside my window.

we all want that love that hurts us horribly when we no longer have it.

one day i want to write you a letter & leave it on the island – beside your car keys.
i want to say:

let’s discard the king bed & buy a twin.
i want to sleep a little closer to you tonight.
i want to hold you just a little bit tighter.
tonight.

we all want that love that hurts us horribly when we no longer have it.

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