moment of weakness


last night i sat at the island in the kitchen with all intentions to finish my 20 page research paper for film history that asked the question:

In “Cultural Identity and Cinematic Representations,” centering his argument on the work of Franz Fanon, Stuart Hall insists that cultural identity is not based on essentialist notions of identity rather that identity is constructed through representation. What do Hall and Fanon mean in their discussions on national/cultural identity and what is cinema’s role in constructing identity? What is the position of filmmaker in this production of identity?

around 2am – i hated school.
i fxcked around and slid from the path i was on and found myself on craigslist looking for jobs & gigs and shit.
i think i kinda needed a hug or something.
but i pushed on and kept writing after a few minutes of looking through bullshit jobs i wouldn’t even allow a homeless man to accept.

i was fxcked up though. at a wall, staring at the height with no idea of how to get over it.
and then my sister reached out on twitter:

rorosoamazing @abednego_jones Be strong, be strong. Everyone that’s part of the movement pulls their own weight. si se puede. [motivational words 4u&i] 🙂

and at 3:15pm this afternoon – got over the wall and completed my paper.
thank you.

—–

so what of this day?

they say the snow is coming. but i really need to get in the gym and make some of these muscles happen.
like for real for real.
but i need to eat this tilapia first.

before friday i’m throwing out all my old clothes.
well – not throwing them out. giving them to the less fortunate.
it’s cold as fuck in dc.
and i figure if i do this i’ll be forced to wear my new, cool shit.

time to make it happen 100%
i’m going to be so cool!!!!

—–

women love men who love passionately.
i’m so conscious and self-aware.

—–

so let’s fxck around with friendship for a second.
and i swore to myself that starting months ago i was cutting negativity out and those who dwell in it…so i gotta keep that going.
i mean – really: lying to yourself is like lying to a dead man, you know.
so…

i’ve decided to let a few folks go without warning.
do they deserve warning? perhaps.

but i’m not dumb when it comes to relationships.
actually quite the opposite. i guess which is why i was a relationship counselor for so long.
and still am if you’re looking for someone effective (plug).

so long.
bye bye.

—–

and i’m becoming human again.
i’ve found the number to my emotions and i’ve been back in touch.
i kinda love it, too.

it’s the thing with getting older, really.
we learn to accept things. and we learn to feel.

remember when life used to be about eating shxt other than noodles
and walking out of class friday at 4 & being drunk til sunday night?

remember when it was tough paying the $375 rent in daytona beach for a 2 bedroom behind the church on george engram?
fxcking 357 rose ave.

and now i’m grown.
this is the life i wanted.
this is the life i built.

i am here because my thoughts and matching actions brought me here.


—–

and right now i want a peanut butter & banana panini from bus boys and poets
and i plan on getting one before midnight.
followed by gluttonous activity and a laxative.

—–

so no matter what the weather may be.
let’s spend the day laughing and loving this life we’ve built.
okay people?

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