for vanity’s sake: and ridding fears:

so i’m starting this side note in the beginning on the blog.
well…i guess it isn’t a side note – but an introduction:

i was listening to robin thick(e)’s ‘lost without you’ and i came to the conclusion that it is perhaps the most arrogant song i’ve ever heard. don’t get me wrong, i thought this years ago when i first heard it, but after not hearing it for a while and then having it come on the foxx hole – i paid more attention…and yeah…ARROGANT.
so i decided i need to talk like this to people.

“how does it feel to know that i love you?”
“touch yourself when you see me.”
“you wanna roll with me. you wanna stay warm and get out of the car with me”

feel me?

okay…side note is over.

—–





—–

i’m in atlanta. a city i used to hate.
not because it’s spread out with no real appeal – but because every time i would come, something insane would happen. like the one time i saw the crackhead shoot two people in the head, then set the house on fire.
yeah, i was that close to a crack house.

but – ironically – atlanta is the city that helped me overcome a slight fear.
yeah yeah yeah – i have a fear. well, two.

fear number one: going blind.

in atlanta station there’s an exhibit called “dialogue in the dark.”
you grab a blind cane, and enter into 4 rooms in complete darkness, feeling your way around with your hand and cane, using every other sense, trying to figure out where you were.
and in a group of 8, i can honestly say i would have been valedictorian had they given out grades.

but i wan’t that afraid. probably because i knew within 15 minutes i’d be back in daylight. but also because i’m the kind of guy that adapts. and that exhibit proved it.

so way to go atlanta for helping me take my two-fear count down to one.

fear #2 (only one now) – drowning.


—–

over the past month i’ve learned a few incredible things about myself.
the most incredible being i seem to make folks insecure.
in my 20-something-odd years of life, i’ve been told many things about myself. many true – some faker than kobe’s rape apology. but over the past month i’ve had 5 people tlel me how insecure i make them feel.

and not because of things i say, but because of the way i choose to live my life: freely.

i get out all your boxes – i get out.
fuck outta here. i live like i do because i hate traffic.

the highway to nowhere is full of idiots.
this international route is much less jammed.

side note: i’ve redefined ‘idiot.’ IDIOT: someone old enough to seek the knowledge but don’t.

—–

guiding people to the exit door of your life doesn’t always mean you love them any less. it almost always means you love yourself more.

—–

so basically – i had nothing to write about this time – but it’ll be better next time i promise.

so i bid a good day to the thousands who are determined to make it, when the millions before them failed.

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