writing love letters & fucking with regrets

please don’t let me be misunderstood.

fxck fxck fxck: waking up at 6:40am five days a week is for the birds.
i’m used to making it home at 7:00am and sleeping til the hustle woke me up.

but it’s cool. being an advocate for education is what pushes me not to hit the ‘dismiss’ button – then hit the pillow again.
i’m teaching writing to a group of children in virginia. i kinda love it. what writer wouldn’t want to inspire the next generation (or generation after next) to write?

but i guess the issue comes in when half of them hate writing.
damn you, parents. damn you.

i have been getting on to this silly band craze, though.
so now i keep a bag of jolly ranchers on me to trade the children for some strangely shaped plastic bracelet.
yeah yeah yeah – so what? i hustle kids. lol.

i remember my professor told me one that i should never teach.
1. because i was crazy as hell and a class clown!
2. because i’d get a student who was just like me – and i’d want to choke the shit out of him.

well, i have that student. and if i wasn’t getting paid for this gig – i’d choke the shit out of him.
but i’m righteously educating him, and attempting to help him win the heart of this girl he seems to be so in love with.
i don’t want him to lose like i did with miranda and angelique.


working with crumb snatchers brings a lot into view.
you see you have more regrets in life than you thought you had.

there’s plenty i’d go back and change:
-i wouldn’t have wanted the fubu jersey so much.
-i wouldn’t have lost my virginity to that girl – in that place – and that quick.
-i would have told miranda james i loved her in first grade & angelique barbour in 5th grade.
-i would have kept my boy out of jail on that first charge and we would still be in touch.
-i would have gone a step further with that racial incident that happened in daytona. actually ALL the racial incidents that happened in daytona.

there are a few poems i wouldn’t have written for that girl in college & a video i never would have made.
hell, i would never have placed the camera in front of my bed at 357 rose ave.

but it’s back there & i’m cool with that. because i learned a long time ago – a life not full of regret is a life not worth living.


random side note: the left brains never understand the right brains.


so mel gibson has been cussing out his baby mama (hmmm)…
and lebron has gone to miami (imagine my face not really making an expression of concern)

and the sun is hot still.

i guess i say all that to say: who really gives a shit?
apparently the cleveland folks are pissed and tearing shit apart because lebron’s leaving. if basketball has become that serious in your life – you should just open your veins and bleed freely.

and while i do find mel gibson hilariously racist and ignorant – his verbal threats don’t cause me to defecate daily.
so i move on.


finally season two of the award winning “ANACOSTIA the series” has wrapped.

so if you kept up with the first season, you should know who Julian is.
well, he’s baaaaaaaack!
and shxt is going down!

quick info:
-written & directed by anthony anderson
-catch in on DCTV-50 & on the web

and just so there won’t be any major surprises for those of you coming in on season two:
julian is sean’s boyfriend.
yes, he’s gay.

short interview by a fan who wishes to remain nameless:

Fan: are you excited about season two of “anacostia the series?”

Me: very excited, actually. i’ve acted before, but this is different. this is a great television show with a great cast, and i’m glad to be among them. and the world gets to check me out.

Fan: that’s great. so tell us about your character.

Me: well, i play Julian. they thought he was dead, but lo and behold…he’s back, and ready to start where he left off, but as we all know, life doesn’t work that way. he learns that pretty quickly when sean isn’t as receptive as he had hoped.

Fan: speaking of sean, does it make you nervous to play a gay character – or how do you feel about it? and what reaction do you think you’ll get?

Me: no, it doesn’t make me nervous. first, i think to be an actor you must be an actor, and look past the bullshit and get to the good shit. secondly, if you’ve been keeping up with me on the blog, twitter or facebook or real life, you know i don’t care what’s said, thought, or perceived negatively. my character is void of stereotypes, as is everyone else character, and the content was great, so i accepted the role, and did my best.

Fan: answer the reaction question.

Me: oh shit. um…i know my friends will have jokes for years to come, but i hope overall it’s a great reaction.

Fan: what’s next for you, sir?

Me: taking over creativity, then the world. showcasing my stage plays next month, shooting a film as well in august, and planning a few things with a few great folks and smiling during it all.


catch me with other great actors such as:

chanté bowser
tamieka chavis
wil ‘onix’ lash
rabon hutcherson III
kena hodges
anthony anderson
marion akpan
and soooo many others!

so tune in and support.
it’s greatly appreciated.


the DC Black Theater Festival accepted each of my entries to be performed during their week-long showcase of amazing talent. unfortunately, i will only be doing two of them because of timing.

but i’m still hype about it & i hope you all get to come and be hype with me.
@antneya says i’m way too modest and i should start speaking about my work more.

i hustle hard – and i achieve – but many don’t know that side of me.
i downplay myself sometimes, and i really shouldn’t.

so a quick thing about me:
i’m the sh*t in real life.
not only am i well educated (house & field ni**a style) – but i look great on paper everywhere else.
i hustle harder than 90% of the people i know – and trying to learn how the other 10% do it.
my left brain is huge and growing. i feed it, and condition it in the winter and summer.

okay – enough about me:

the plays:

Trip The Light Poetic: a one-act stage play based on several poems written by darnell lamont walker. step onto the spaceship & explore the dark alleys and backstreets where black boys are being shot in their backs by officers; hear the voice of the girl with the uncle the other kids have never met; and fall into the sentimental mood with the lovers. trip the light.
starring: tamieka chavis of HBO’s the wire – reginald richard – fieven brehana – alain duroseau – deidra taylor

All The Things You’d Be By Now If Tyler Perry’s Wife Was Your Mother: darnell lamont walker has abstractly written about the breaking of down of the black male image due to irresponsible filmmakers. come see the black man exactly how hollywood & atlanta sees the black man.
starring: tamieka chavis of HBO’s the wire – reginald richard – moyston


i was at an art gallery last weekend and saw what i thought was possibly one of the best “pieces” i’ve ever seen.
it’s called: ‘if a mouth were to whisper’ by jeanne jo.

that’s probably the best love letter.

related: i’m challenging everyone to write a love letter this week to someone you love:
-the one who got away
-the one who can always come back
-the one you secretly love


so tonight i’ll be at hooters with the cast & tomorrow with my old buddies i hope at six flags.
i hope that’s how it happens.
we’ll see though.

come thru.

sometimes you just want someone to sit on the floor with – in front of the couch – laughing at the same stupid parts of a show.
the mood ring doesn’t need to be blue all the time.
sometimes you envy the deaf – because words written better express you.

and i guess “you” is “me” maybe, too. sometimes.


a son for a son

a son for a son

i’m selling unicorns at half price
and police badges that once belonged to cops i’ve killed
i’m telling the truth about it all
i keep my gun drawn on the foreheads of their children now
call coach and let him know they’ll be late for soccer practice
they’ll be late for dinner
my late aunt believed in the good of white cops
because the anne frank quote meant something to her
but there is no good behind that badge
under that blue
protected by nipped and white skin
i cannot imagine what it must feel like to have your son killed by cops
i will not stand at my son’s grave unshackled
a son for a son
i’d kill the little bastard
sit him on my knee first
walk him to the corner and buy him bubblegum and tell him the story of his father
the man behind the shield
the man behind the bars that reopen soon
and as soon as they do i’d be there waiting
fuck jesus on this one
there’d be no prayer i’d want answered
there’s no time
plus they call that premeditation
dear prosecutor: you get more time for thinking than for killing a nigga?
paint your children black for me
a son for a son

cotton candy on a rainy day

‘i hope no white person ever has cause to write about me. they never understand.’ – n.g.

they’ll say i was less than human. they’ll talk about my lack of compassion and empathy and blame it on some childhood event that never really happened, but they’ll say i just don’t remember.

perhaps hemingway & i share a fate and i’ll go mad. perhaps klebold & harris and i’ll take out others before getting trapped on the only thing free on earth: water.
the problem with lacking compassion and empathy is knowing you can do anything & feel nothing at all.


one day i’m going to tell her: the reason i stopped believing in jesus is because of you.
she’ll know there was something about the stories of her mom’s past life as a whore & current life as a saint that creates issues when she finds time to judge me with her side eyes.

she’ll know her conditional love is the reason things fall apart.
but she’ll blame it all on me, because she’s led me to believe that christians do that.

before her there were nothing but doubts & speculations.
during her there were confirmations and run-ins with her mom.
after her there was no more jesus or respect to give the used-to-be whore she hoped to be just like.

the reason i stopped believing in jesus is because of you.
and i’m 97.3% sure i won’t go back to that place.


side note: happy and fat have become synonyms. she’s happily married, she tells people.


next week i promise i’ll wear my dashiki. perhaps around the new york city police officers. dashikis have the ability to hide a multitude of “revolutions,” as told to me last week in harlem.

quick ‘congrats’ to larry d. hylton (larrydhylton.com) for his performance and for following happiness and dreams always – and currently following them abroad to perform porgy & bess.


you ever feel like you’re standing in a living room with no furniture – staring out of a huge window with no curtains – onto an empty street after the rain?

this world seems too little. i sometimes seem too much.
i’m beginning to feel like a 3D image on a one dimensional surface.

‘it seems no matter how i try – i become more difficult to hold.
i am not an easy [man] to want.’
like cotton candy on a rainy day.
i’m fading away – into somewhere invisible i think.
where ever it is i keep my unicorns caged.

i am not an easy man to want.
i’m not the order things should be loved or cared for.
so i opt for minimalism (i think that makes some kind of sense)

‘they have asked the psychiatrists – psychologists – politicians and social workers what this decade will be known for.
there is no doubt: it is loneliness.’
like cotton candy on a rainy day.

the kid:

i’m hoping me and hemingway aren’t destined to share a last page.
klebold and harris can kiss my ass.
and everything i have planned will happen.

a fact: the life you are living is the life you chose.
rebirth is not stifled by the master – but by the slave.


yeah – i hope no white person ever has cause to write about me.
they’d read this blog and think i was crazy.