cotton candy on a rainy day


‘i hope no white person ever has cause to write about me. they never understand.’ – n.g.

they’ll say i was less than human. they’ll talk about my lack of compassion and empathy and blame it on some childhood event that never really happened, but they’ll say i just don’t remember.

perhaps hemingway & i share a fate and i’ll go mad. perhaps klebold & harris and i’ll take out others before getting trapped on the only thing free on earth: water.
the problem with lacking compassion and empathy is knowing you can do anything & feel nothing at all.

—–

one day i’m going to tell her: the reason i stopped believing in jesus is because of you.
she’ll know there was something about the stories of her mom’s past life as a whore & current life as a saint that creates issues when she finds time to judge me with her side eyes.

she’ll know her conditional love is the reason things fall apart.
but she’ll blame it all on me, because she’s led me to believe that christians do that.

before her there were nothing but doubts & speculations.
during her there were confirmations and run-ins with her mom.
after her there was no more jesus or respect to give the used-to-be whore she hoped to be just like.

the reason i stopped believing in jesus is because of you.
and i’m 97.3% sure i won’t go back to that place.

—–

side note: happy and fat have become synonyms. she’s happily married, she tells people.

—–

next week i promise i’ll wear my dashiki. perhaps around the new york city police officers. dashikis have the ability to hide a multitude of “revolutions,” as told to me last week in harlem.

quick ‘congrats’ to larry d. hylton (larrydhylton.com) for his performance and for following happiness and dreams always – and currently following them abroad to perform porgy & bess.

—–

you ever feel like you’re standing in a living room with no furniture – staring out of a huge window with no curtains – onto an empty street after the rain?

this world seems too little. i sometimes seem too much.
i’m beginning to feel like a 3D image on a one dimensional surface.

‘it seems no matter how i try – i become more difficult to hold.
i am not an easy [man] to want.’
like cotton candy on a rainy day.
i’m fading away – into somewhere invisible i think.
where ever it is i keep my unicorns caged.

i am not an easy man to want.
i’m not the order things should be loved or cared for.
so i opt for minimalism (i think that makes some kind of sense)

‘they have asked the psychiatrists – psychologists – politicians and social workers what this decade will be known for.
there is no doubt: it is loneliness.’
like cotton candy on a rainy day.

—–
the kid:







—–
i’m hoping me and hemingway aren’t destined to share a last page.
klebold and harris can kiss my ass.
and everything i have planned will happen.

a fact: the life you are living is the life you chose.
rebirth is not stifled by the master – but by the slave.

—–

yeah – i hope no white person ever has cause to write about me.
they’d read this blog and think i was crazy.

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