My Fear of Drugs

How vulnerable can I become without drugs? Looking back at one relationship in particular, it was the drugs that made us so close because of its ability to destroy (completely obliterate) inhibition. Essentially, it was the drugs that dragged us to this place we’re in that’s very reminiscent of Gotye’s hit. I ask  because I want to write this film, and although it’s not about me, it needs to be real and personal to everyone watching, and I feel it may require me to walk to that place where scorned exes go when they text their past after midnight asking what happened.

I know what drugs do to the writer and it scares me. What if I do a few lines, and write the greatest lines ever read. What then? I maintain my place in that new society, and in my mind there’s only one way to do that. Amy left the drugs alone. We heard it in her music. We then begged her secretly to find a left behind bump somewhere in the bottom of her purse. Look at Mary J. Her sound, sadly, is the same, but the quality of her lyrics aren’t. I want to be consistent, but not consistently average. I want to be the Charlie Sheen of the writing world. Well, sort of.

So I need to write this screenplay. I watched Elizabeth Gilbert on Ted Talks and she talked about the writer and the issues. She talked about how she’s still relatively young, and the greatest thing she’ll most likely create is in her past. She has to live another 40 years or so know she can’t be better than she’s been, and with that she has to do her best to stay away from insanity. She probably did not drugs to write it, but she’ll need them to explain to others why every word she writers after Eat, Pray, Love failed. Or maybe not. She seems strong.

Consistent. Maybe that’s what drugs are for. Everyone I know on them have been consistent. Do not confuse consistent with ethical, legal, or the epitome  of upstanding. But simply consistent.

I’ll write the first act and see what happens. After that, if you hear from any of my exes that I may have gone crazy, you know act one was trash.

Clearly I do not believe in a drug-free America. 

One Comment Add yours

  1. sfcalvinaz says:

    Thought provoking. THanks for this. This quote immediately came to mind:

    “People use drugs, legal and illegal, because their lives are intolerably painful or dull. They hate their work and find no rest in their leisure. They are estranged from their families and their neighbors. It should tell us something that in healthy societies drug use is celebrative, convivial, and occasional, whereas among us it is lonely, shameful, and addictive. We need drugs, apparently, because we have lost each other.”
    (pg. 61, “Racism and the Economy”)”
    ― Wendell Berry, The Art of the Commonplace: The Agrarian Essays

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