I Want To Gain Something Today

I lost a friend once for what seemed to me like no good reason. He told everyone else that I was out there in the world doing unethical things. Perhaps true, but it was nothing I hadn’t been doing since 1986. I let him go with no words or rebuttals because I found new circles of folks who lived. That was 2006. I forgot he existed. I forgot we were once always seen together. This week I learned of his unethical life. His second child is on the way, neither belonging to his wife, both to his mistress; the first conceived on his wedding night or days later.

I lost a girlfriend because of facebook once. She wanted to be plastered on my wall like missing puppy posters. She offered no good argument, and I offered no compromise. I loved her, and I know how much I loved her, but I was not sacrificing anything I had previously offered her for new beliefs developed in her conversations with friends who knew more about our relationship than I did. 

I’m losing a younger cousin to cancer. It’s not quite fair. The young people who die should have seen the world. They should have the chance to compare Mcdonalds burgers all around the world, and meet some stranger on a Canadian highway who’ll become a notch on the bedpost or the owner of a couch they’ll crash on whenever they’re in Montreal. It’s not fair to be 27 and dying having not seen the sun set on architecture you’ve only seen in Level 3 Spanish textbooks. But it happens, and we have to continue to believe in martyrs. 

I’m losing my mind to this new artist I was recently told to listen to, and there may be no recovery. I am not yet ready to lose her to the masses, so I will only share with Janna and Danielle, and they’ll love it and not share it until they are done with it. 

I want to gain something today. What do you have for me?

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6 thoughts on “I Want To Gain Something Today

  1. I woke up this morning and felt this way. And I was hurt at myself because I have given/lost everything and received nothing but a victims mentality. Reading this made me question what have I done for me to receive everything. Thank you bruh 🙂

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