The Friends I’ve Lost.



IMG_2262

We’ll be friends forever, won’t we Pooh?” asked Piglet. “Even longer,” Pooh answered.

The first friend I lost was in 1995. She was 13, and I’m not sure why my mourning was so short. I had no idea who Alphaville was then, but I suppose we shared a belief: die young, or live forever. Leave the party during the set up, but never when the music is playing. And the music is so good right now.

A little while ago I read Calvin’s post about the many great friends he lost in the early 90’s and how hard it was to deal with. I remember thinking of all the great friends I lost in the last few years, hoping for at least a 50 year hiatus.  I remember how sad I was because Calvin and I are a lot alike, and I know if his friends mean the same to him as mine mean to me, he still thinks about them now.

Where is the fairness in great friends dying long before you? Who takes the place of the irreplaceable? I lost a friend today and I’m remembering the insanity she brought to my life to add to what was already there. Us in all the cities, bars, malls, and stores. We were like Thomas Jay and Vada Sultenfuss. What now? What about Piglet and Pooh? What happens when Piglet dies? Part of Pooh must die too.

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “The Friends I’ve Lost.

  1. that is kind of crazy because I used to give one of my best friends pooh and piglet cards and one of them said just what your post said…. and even though she lives five minutes away and I have known her since I was 11 and through all kinds of crazy shit… we don’t talk anymore.
    that is a death in itself.
    but, our best friend died when we were 22 of a heroin overdose, and that was such an extreme loss that has shaped my whole world. and six months before that, my girl who died also lost her man. dead on the street with his head bashed in. was it from some outside source or from him falling off the second story walk up heavy with alcohol and rohypnol? we will never know. I think it was both.
    and that same year I also lost my beloved friend who was dutifully in love with me. he had spent the last year of his life In prison at the precious age of 19, and upon getting out called me to request that I return a necklace to him, that I had once given him.
    I did not comply.
    a month later he was dead with a smile plastered on his cold face.
    these are the hard things that make us who we are.
    we carry these people with us and they make us into better beings, because we have to live for them.
    but you are a writer, so you already know this. the trick is to not get caught in the undertow, and to just keep on rising up to the surface. nothing is permanent…. except change. and even from loss, there is untold gain.

  2. I get the chills from this. And especially from what @hrosson says. “we carry these people with us and they make us into better beings, because we have to live for them.
    but you are a writer, so you already know this. the trick is to not get caught in the undertow, and to just keep on rising up to the surface. nothing is permanent…. except change. and even from loss, there is untold gain.” Thank you Darnell. Thank you hrosson.

  3. Thank you for this. Reading this made me get teary-eyed, choke up. It’s very hard. It’s certainly difficult to cope in situations such as this. People who I allow in my space have a very special place in my heart and when they are gone, it leaves a void. I just experienced this recently. On the 29th of November, I lost the love of my life, my friend, my companion, someone who had been a part of my everyday life since 2006. We got married just about 2 years ago (22 months ago to be exact). Mack was suddenly stricken with an undiagnosed pulmonary embolism brought on by deep vein thrombosis. I was instantly filled with so much sorrow. I’m still grieving and in mourning. Some days I burst into tears. To answer the question you posed, “Who takes the place of the irreplaceable?” – well nobody. There will always be a vacant chair. No matter who else enters, the ones who are gone can never be replaced. The memories of these one-of-a-kind people will last forever. I don’t know about anybody else, but this kind of pain is the worst I have ever encountered and I’m sure it will be a very long time before I heal. Sharing with others, however, does help the healing process. Thank you Darnell for opening this dialogue. I needed it, as I’m sure you did too.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s