It’s been a long time since I last attempted to convince myself that my dreams:
1. Aren’t realistic.
2. Aren’t what I really want.
3. Would be fine without me.
It took too much energy to lie to myself. I had to involve too many others in the scheme to fool myself into believing I’d be fine with the new, not-so-dope goals I’d thought up. Truth is, I’d give everything I have to achieve every goal, dream, idea, and wish. They’re mine and I want them.
For a few months a few years back, I no longer wanted to create content for television, I convinced myself. I stopped and focused on things I liked, but not loved, and excelled at them all. It was a fuc*ed up feeling, knowing I was amazing at it and knowing I was making others’ dreams come to life, but knowing it wasn’t close to what I wanted to actually be doing and my dreams were hanging from a rope. All this came after quite a few rejection letters and several meetings that went no further than the handshake that ended them.
Note: Thank god for the real friendships I made with the folks who allowed me to watch them struggle. Thank god for the fake ones too. I was reminded how hard it is continue to go after the things you want, and how easy, but tragic, it is to let it all go with the excuse, “it’s just not for me anymore.” Those friends who applied four times and didn’t know if they had a 5th in them, but pushed a 5th somehow. I saw you all. You were my silent competition, and I hope I was yours.
I kept going.
This year, I’ve grown my hobby-turned-company and listened as the consumers told me how much we’ve positively changed their lives. I’ve directly connected thousands to proper care, indirectly affecting the lives of millions. In the last few weeks, I’ve met with amazing folks and taken meetings with first ladies to begin initiatives that will undoubtedly change the world. I’ve taken my son on one of the most amazing trips either of us has been on, and my hard work as an aspiring television writer has been recognized and I’m about to begin a fellowship in the Sesame Street writing room, creating content for children. Do you know me? Yeah, then you know how I feel right now. SESAME STREET! Can you believe it? A full circle moment, isn’t it?
All that to say: they’re your dreams and they deserve to be salvaged from that trash bin, closet, and void you hoped would swallow them whole.